It’s okay, people, I can make this joke because I’m a rape baby and I’m pretty sure Richard Ramirez is my father.
My mom has been very, VERY shaky talking about my biological father since ever. Any time I’ve brought it up, she shuts down and her eyes cloud over. The only time she broke and gave me any information was a first name: “Richard”. I didn’t think anything of it until much, much later… though I did – at 9 years old – confront a summer camp counselor named Richard to ask if he was my father (Hah!).
It wasn’t until years later that I pieced together some things. First of all, my mom has been a lesbian since she was a child. So I HAD to have been a “mistake” of sorts unless she REALLY wanted to have a child. Rape really is the only option unless some sort of ridiculous immaculate conception occurred. As a teenager, after another fight with my mom about my birthright, (and in an admittedly dark “serial killer phase”) I read about Richard Ramirez. Known as “The Night Stalker”, Richard Ramirez used to stalk California in the 80’s and, you know, rape ‘n’ stuff.
Sure, maybe it’s a leap, but in the right light I do look super Latino.