5.5Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD (1990) – Raw Mackerel and Killer Chopsticksbear·May 21, 2019Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D is a tone deaf, racially insensitive try-hard by-product of the 1980s that still somehow manages to charm the wooden sandals off you.
2Zolar (2004) – The X-Games Alien with a Heart of Gold and Rubber Facebear·May 13, 2019Some coked-out Kids' WB executive watched the 2002 X-Games and thought "this needs blue aliens and underage girls with too much makeup."
9Sleepaway Camp (1983) – Friday the 13th Meets The Crying Gamebear·May 2, 2019Probably the most successful low-budget knockoff of Friday the 13th but is more than just it's Tween Peen shock ending.
7.5McBain (1991) – The Early Nineties Version of The Expendablesbear·April 23, 2019After his old war buddy is executed by a Dictator, Christopher Walken rounds up his Vietnam War pals to slaughter 240 people and blow up all the things. This is the version of The Expendables that hike their pants up to their armpits.
6Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992) – Not A Threat, But An Empty Promisebear·March 26, 2019Stop! is what happens when hacky "buddy cop" tropes cross planes with hacky "overbearing mother" tropes to create a Venn Diagram of absolute fuckery.
3.5Death Spa (1989) – It’s Actually Just A Death Gymbear·March 14, 2019Death Spa is really a Death Gym, and even that's a loose definition. It's a vague Death Place or a Death Warehouse somewhere in Canada for the tax credit.
7Green Lantern: First Flight (2009) – Training Day in Spacebear·April 16, 2019Hal Jordan plays the role of Ethan Hawke while Sinestro covers Denzel Washington's role in the Green Lantern rendition of 2001's Training Day
7Us (2019) – Jordan Peele’s Second Best MovieChilly·March 24, 2019Is Us a horror masterpiece or a convoluted mess? We take a look at Jordan Peele''s second best movie.
7Wonder Woman (2009) – Femanism? More Like Femanisn’tbear·March 22, 2019In a tonally inconsistent film, Wonder Woman feels like it was written by a privileged, basement-dwelling incel neckbeard fragile white male. Cool actions scenes, though!
8Batman: Gotham Knight (2008) – Batmanime and The Batmanimatrixbear·March 10, 2019Instead of the same rehashed introduction to Batman, we get a stylized anthology highlighting the myth of Batman.
8Justice League: The New Frontier (2008) – A Silver Age Love Letterbear·February 23, 2019·2 CommentsWe get a mature, period-piece to introduce the Silver Age Justice League.
4Serenity (2019)Chilly·January 28, 2019Serenity has the distinction of being the Worst Film of 2019, which would be a much bigger accomplishment if this were October and not January.
5One Winter Proposal (2019)I spent the entirety of Hallmark's sequel "One Winter Proposal" thinking that I never saw the first movie "One Winter Weekend" only for my girlfriend to reveal that I had.
5Winter Castle (2019)Just how dreamy is the single dad widower in Hallmark's first film in their "Winterfest" series? Spoiler Alert: Super F'N dreamy.
6.5The Princess Switch (2018)My girlfriend watched "The Princess Switch." Which means that I ALSO watched "The Princess Switch." Luckily, I survived.
