Since I’ve been able to produce I’ve imagined the children I would like to raise. I don’t want “real” kids. Not me, not now. My mom had 4 boys and I’m spent, I can only imagine how she feels. But if I were to “Gattaca” my kids
I would be the proud Father to pre-implant the genetics needed to create my very own children based exactly off of the genetics of their Film/TV screen personalities.
Meet my first son,
The Older Brother
He really has that cool, dumb-luck Dad vide, something as a father I would want my eldest son to inherit.
The Middle Child
I want a son to laugh at who still gets excited when Santa Claus comes to town in his Community College years and who has never understood the concept of “jumping on the bed.” Something, as a Father, I would like to teach.
The 2nd Middle Child
As a character, an older brother, but really he was only the older brother in Boy Meets World so his television Parents were less strict on Cory. Imagine all the things Cory wouldn’t have gotten away with if it weren’t for Eric. My kids are going to want a sibling to take the blame. Eric is dumb enough to not only take the blame, but actually think he did it. I love you son.
Steve from Multiplicity
The Baby of the Family
Yes. Steve. The baby of the family who enjoys pizza, beer and power tools. My Sunday football buddy to bitch at the television with. In reality, he’s my ‘had a kid to fix the marriage, but it didn’t work out’ son. Because of my constant neglect and dead-end job, it only seems right that he would be the first one to give me my first grandchild.
Horror from The Pagemaster
The First Grandchild
Part of me thinks it’s an imaginary friend, the other part of me thinks it’s an acid flashback. Because of the guilt I feel for all those years of neglecting Steve, I slip a Birthday Check in Horror’s hardcover every year. Love, Grandaddy.