Marlboro Smooth v. Camel Menthol Silver

POINT: Marlboro Smooth

Marlboro Smooths

MOUSE: When I think “head rush,” I think Marlboro Smooth. First off, it’s the “Marlboro Man and Woman and/or Man.” They advertise to the human inhalers. Camels, on the other hand (according to their advertising), are for animals, specifically camels who pace back-and-fourth through the desert with their eyes closed like all Silver Smokers. Bor-ring… The only time I don’t turn down a CMS (sounds like PMS, I’m just saying who wants that?) is when I’m outta Smooths. After I light a Silver, I realized I should have crushed it first and immediately regret my decision and life as I know it. I get no head rush, I just kill myself a little more without a high in head. I like my smokes quick and to the point. I don’t have time to enjoy my addiction. I only have time to fix my fix.

Yes, I’ll admit Smooths’ smell way better than they taste, but at least they actually smell like Mint Chocolate Chip. I can’t wait for Ghirardelli to team up with Marlboro Smooths for a nice creamy finish. I imagine the filter would be a hard chocolate shell with mint filling. The future of Smooths is endless. Silvers have peaked at “crushing,” a slang word that already has several meanings in pop culture. Why not “pinching” or “smashing?” I guess what’s done is done. Some may argue that Silvers have revolutionized the cigarette. I say, “why make extra work for cigarette smokers,” our lungs are working hard enough. In conclusion, it’s unfortunate that little ball you crush isn’t edible. What a missed opportunity. Go Smooths!

COUNTERPOINT: Camel Menthol Silver

cam

BEAR: I certainly do enjoy a nice free Marlboro Smooth, don’t get me wrong. My beef starts with Marlboro’s advertising and terminology choice: “Smooth.” Sure they’re smooth, but when compared to the smoothness a Silver delivers, Smooths come off more like when I fumble at bras on a third date. The great thing about Silvers is that they come with the patented menthol bead in the filter you can “crush” for an extra mentholly rush. Talk about smooth. I would like the Smooths’ motel chocolate pillow mint flavor, but I’m a recovering chocoholic and the taste makes me relapse. I like to take my time and smoke, which is a problem with Smooths which last four minutes versus the six or seven minutes provided by a Silver.

Before you say that silver plays second fiddle to gold, I want to point out: What happened to all the gold anyway? Silver is the new gold. Camel Menthol Silvers. They’re so minty smooth that you don’t need to brush your teeth after a meal if you just have a Silver.

MBC

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