Winter Castle (2019)

Winter Castle (2019)
Did my girlfriend like it?7.1
Snow Tropes? ice sculpting? dog sledding? snow tubing?10
How much toothy smiling?8.8
Wait, that ice hotel is actually real!?!10
but is she a writer, baker, or event planner? 10
5Overall Score

 

 

Winter Castle

Release Date: January 5, 2019

Genre: Romance    Runtime:  1hr 23min     Rated: TV-G

Hallmark’s “Winter Castle” is the first film of 2019 rolled out by the channel. Every week, as part of Winterfest, Hallmark will air a brand new romantic movie. Winter Castle is the first of the year where Jenny (Emilie Ullerup) has the burden of being her sister’s Maid of Honor for a winter destination wedding. Where? Hawaii? Nope! The “ice hotel.”

Excited Emilie Ullerup GIF by Hallmark Channel

Looks more like a snowy Tattoine, though

Let me back up just a moment to give you more context. Jenny is a successful  fairy tale editor, but she wants to be a fairy tale writer. She pitches a great idea to her boss, who loves it but kicks the story to the writers. Also, Jenny is probably, like, 27 years old. Her engaged younger sister (23ish?) has finally set a wedding date. The wedding is in less than four weeks, and in an international ice hotel (even though we’re never told WHERE). They arrive to the winter “castle” which looks more like a series of icy FEMA tents.

Animated GIF

We see very little footage of the ice hotel (winter “castle”) because it’s not very flattering.

Jenny decides that she will also write a new original fairy tale story about a, you guessed it, ice hotel! Two birds, one stone. Jenny meets a sexy single widower, Craig (Kevin McGarry), who also happens to be the Best Man for the groom! This also turns out to be the exact man Jenny’s younger sister was hoping to set Jenny up with. The only problem is Craig has already brought a woman as his plus one, oh no!

emilie ullerup snow GIF by Hallmark Channel

Wouldn’t be romantic without a winter horse carriage ride

Jenny and Craig bond because Craig is terrible at telling fairy tales to his daughter. He just gives up after ten seconds. Luckily Jenny saves the day by swooping in and telling an original fairy tale. She swoops in, and tells a much better twenty-second fairy tale, but ALSO gives up, because she can’t figure out an ending. So she calls it a cliffhanger. Add another fifty unnecessary conflicts and you’ve got yourself “Winter Castle.”

emilie ullerup snow GIF by Hallmark Channel

There’s also an ice slide in the hotel. Note the shallow angle which is not conducive to sliding.

Other Notable Moments:

  • Jenny, a random woman, receives a private tour of the hotel from the concierge even though the lobby is bustling with people checking in and out. The concierge just… leaves the front desk to give Jenny a tour.
  • Jenny stumbles upon a night campfire where everyone sits on snowy logs and make wishes on shooting stars.
  • Shooting stars apparently occur all night, every night.
  • Craig’s daughter, Sara, wishes on a shooting star that Jenny, who she just met earlier that day, would become her new mom.
  • Jenny’s boss calls while at the ice hotel, and loves her fairy tale! Now Jenny needs to complete it before the wedding, oh no, more conflict!
  • Craig’s “Plus one” for the wedding is his neighbor, Lana, who has been trying to seduce Craig ever since his wife died.
  • Lana is beautiful and has been supportive of Craig and Sara for THREE YEARS, filling the surrogate mother role.
    • Craig has absolutely ZERO feelings for Lana, but uses her anyway, because she is a ginger.
  • Jenny emails her workplace bestie about her feelings for Craig, and Sara’s bizarre shooting star wish.
  • Lana sees Jenny’s open email on Jenny’s open laptop because: conflict!
  • Lana leaves the wedding and hotel, only to immediately fall in love with the hotel’s concierge.
  • They call cross-country skiing “snow-shoeing”.
snow winter GIF by Hallmark Channel

These are not fucking snow “shoes”

By the end of the day, every single conflict is resolved. Jenny and Craig are in love and Sara ostensibly gets her new mom. Which Jenny is totally down for. The wedding is a success, and Jenny and Craig dance the night away.

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About The Author

bear

BEAR never met his real dad and was forced to be his own father figure. He spent his time as a child grounding himself or disappointing himself when he missed his t-ball games that he promised himself he would definitely be there for this time. He beat himself up often, metaphorically and literally, so C.P.S. came and took him away from himself. At this point BEAR discovered that he could see in the dark, but only if he spent several minutes letting his eyes adjust first. BEAR is also a Capricorn and loves long crabwalks on the beach.

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