Awkward Things Parents of the Future Will Say Vol. 1

 

  • “You need to use protection even when you cyber.”
  • “You were aborted as a fetus once.”
  • “The nuva ring didn’t stop you.”
  • “Want to see the new John Travolta and Kirstie Alley movies, Look Who’s Talking Still and No, that’s not a movie already?
  • “You’re lucky safe-sex was popularized in the early ’90’s then de-popularized in the 2010’s.”
  • “I didn’t put the pill alarm on repeat.”
  • “Don’t drink while pregnated. There’s P.U.I. checkpoints everywhere.”
  • “I’m disowning you because you’re NOT gay.”
  • “Canadian Bacon? More like Canadian break-in!”
  • “I’m a cool dad, I let you have your first drink under my controlled supervision so it’s only fair to do the same when you lose your virginity.”
  • “Here’s pictures of my new genital piercing to take for show and tell!”
  • “The best sex is unprotected sex. And gay sex. Unprotected gay sex.”
  • “What is pimples?”
  • “What is books?”
  • “What is read?”
  • “I want to be buried in Facebook with all my family and friends.”
  • “Don’t LOL at me.”
  • “I left behind 364 untweeted tweets for you to tweet when I’m gone”
  • “Pluto was a planet?”
  • “Family Circus was hilarious.”
  • “I remember when I wanted a kid.”
Mousebear Comedy is just a couple dudes hiding behind an anthropomorphic mouse and bear in order to purge our shadow through webstuff.

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