Go See Booksmart Right Now, You Pieces of Shit!

Go See Booksmart

I woke up to news so horrific, so devastating, that I have yet to fully recover. Booksmart, the greatest film that has ever been committed to celluloid, only made 6.9 million dollars at the box office! It came in sixth place. SIXTH! If you nearly spit your Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato out of your mouth when you read that news I can assure you-you are NOT alone!

I have been lying in bed, curtains are drawn, with a sleeping mask over my face, cuddling with my seven Corgi’s (all of whom have been renamed after characters from the movie Booksmart) since I heard the news. I am only writing this review now because the ghost spirits living inside my eggs are waiting to be reborn. That was a reference to the movie Booksmart, which you would have known if you had seen it!

AHHHHHHHH!

And what beat Booksmart, might you ask? Aladdin. ALADDIN! Are you fucking kidding me!? Did you hear their rendition of “A Whole New World?” DID YOU HEAR THAT SHIT!? Olivia Wilde could fart out a better version. Booksmart was written and directed BY WOMEN, had a SEX POSITIVE message and featured representation for the LGBTQ community. But, sure, enjoy your monkey and genie, assholes!

Okay, sure. Some people are saying that it’s a good thing that a movie starring POC is sitting on top of the box office. But, honestly, does Aladdin really count? It’s Aladdin! That’s basically a freebie. I have many, many, many friends who are minorities, by the way. The POINT is that it would have changed the world if Booksmart had taken the top spot at the box office. You all better rectify this mistake this weekend!

Go see Booksmart, assholes, go see Booksmart!!

 

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