Bear here, struggling to make ends meet in this tough economy and find a job in a competitive workforce. It’s times like these that one is forced to get creative in order to feed one’s cats. Like a mother who puts her children first, sometimes one has to “whore” themselves out or use “different” methods in order to support those who depend on him/her.
And so I take a little tip from a website called fiverr.com where people list the services they’re willing to perform for five dollars. Whereas most people specialize in one little area, I have an extensive list of skills and abilities which you can take advantage of.
For $5 I will:
Drop it like it’s hot.
Rip a phone book in half.
Verbally confront anybody of your choosing.
Let you touch my butt.
Clean your bathroom (you supply cleaning materials)
Write a blog post about the things I’ll do for $5
Walk your cats.
Listen to your rambling one-sided conversation and react accordingly as if I care.
Catfish someone of your choosing online.
Do your school-grade children’s homework (with my non-dominant hand)
Sync music to your unborn baby’s heartbeat.
Call and leave a non-personalized birthday message in the voice of Jimmy Stewart’s ghost.
Draw you a picture of anything I want.
Let you buy me a pack of smokes.
Give your cat a massage.
Offer unconstructive criticism of your script/screenplay.]
Eat a block of cheese.
Send you a hand-written love letter.
Act out one side of the Roddy Piper/Keith David fight scene from John Carpenter’s classic “They Live.”