I’ve always wanted to see something like this Forecast on television. It’s a shame that horoscopes only get relegated to a small paragraph in the newspaper – which barely anybody reads anymore because “print is dead” or whatever. It would just be hilarious to see big effects in a news studio showing in-depth and subjective fortune cookie horoscopes. Or using an expensive “Doppler Radar” to chart the stars and give a more detailed horoscope. Like “Pluto is rising tonight, and Mars will be in your 7th house, so make sure to stock up on dairy” or some shit.

I’d also like it if horoscopes were more negative generally, instead of always being so damn peripherally positive. There are MILLIONS of Capricorns out there, we can’t ALL be getting the same good news at work today. Come on.  Even something as simple as “your buddy, the Gemini, is a two-faced prick and is going to figuratively stab you in the back again.”


Mousebear Comedy is just a couple dudes hiding behind an anthropomorphic mouse and bear in order to purge our shadow through webstuff.

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About The Author


BEAR never met his real dad and was forced to be his own father figure. He spent his time as a child grounding himself or disappointing himself when he missed his t-ball games that he promised himself he would definitely be there for this time. He beat himself up often, metaphorically and literally, so C.P.S. came and took him away from himself. At this point BEAR discovered that he could see in the dark, but only if he spent several minutes letting his eyes adjust first. BEAR is also a Capricorn and loves long crabwalks on the beach.

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