I’ve always wanted to see something like this Forecast on television. It’s a shame that horoscopes only get relegated to a small paragraph in the newspaper – which barely anybody reads anymore because “print is dead” or whatever. It would just be hilarious to see big effects in a news studio showing in-depth and subjective fortune cookie horoscopes. Or using an expensive “Doppler Radar” to chart the stars and give a more detailed horoscope. Like “Pluto is rising tonight, and Mars will be in your 7th house, so make sure to stock up on dairy” or some shit.

I’d also like it if horoscopes were more negative generally, instead of always being so damn peripherally positive. There are MILLIONS of Capricorns out there, we can’t ALL be getting the same good news at work today. Come on.  Even something as simple as “your buddy, the Gemini, is a two-faced prick and is going to figuratively stab you in the back again.”



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